Monday, March 9, 2009

Oh Darling

I never had a traumatic childhood. Well, the usual trauma stuff, you know. Not enough to write a book about or blame everything wrong in my current life on.
But I sure as hell am having a traumatic workhood. No not the much publicised recession and the like. This is on a whole different plane altogether.

Let me give you a glimpse into what I mean.

A friend wanted to order a surprise birthday gift for his fiance but didn't want it delivered to his home, lest she saw it and ruined said surprise. So I volunteered my office address (I'm nice that way). With a warning though, that as long as it wasn't anything kinky, adult-ish, or anything to do with cute pink teddy bears. They're all really the same things.

So anyway, I'm working from home on Friday and my colleague calls me asking for some help. I say I'm busy and make a great excuse(I'm always learning from Dilbert).

Colleague resorts to threats and then blackmail. Says, she'll tell everyone that she's holding a package from Anthropologie for me. I quickly google anthropologie and realise it's a womans only store, that sells lingerie and pretty pink dresses.

Bloody hell. The fool sent women's clothing to my office with my name on it.

I say it's for my girl friend.
She says your girl friend is in India.
I say you know too much, stop stalking me.
She says she'll sell the story to office folks, which will involve me cross dressing. It'll catch on like wild fire.
I say no one will believe you. They love me too much.
She says do you want to test that out.
I say no.
She says you changed your mind about helping me yet.
I say yes.

After I've sweated for an hour over a dumb model she wants, I get an instant message on my laptop from my boss.

Boss: "I have your dress."
CD: "Come again."
Boss: " *Insert colleague's name* dropped it over to my office for safekeeping."

*CD swears under his breath*

CD: " It's for my girl friend."
Boss: "She's in India."
CD: "Why does every one know that?"
Boss: "Don't worry, I'll keep it over the weekend in my office. I won't tell anyone, unless they ask me."
CD: " Sure you won't."
Boss: " I promise."

On Monday, I enter office, and see this right outside my boss's office.

The post it says "Ask Me What This Is."

Obviously everyone's been asking why I'm wearing pants today? How come no flannel jeans or a yellow polka dot dress? Is the silk lingerie tickling me?

You think I'm ready to write that book now?


Anonymous said...

In Anthropology, not only you get lingerie and dresses but nice tops, skirts and scarves designed by few of our Indian designers-Manish Arora.Don't worry,your girlfriend will love that dress.

CrazyDiamond said...

Dude... that's not the point. That dress was never for my gf.

oh I get it...maybe you work for Manish Arora? Or maybe Anthropologie?
And he's desperate for some kind of advertising. With the stuff he makes maybe he needs it.

Anonymous said...

Huh.No, i just go sometime there for shopping. No, i don't work for Anthropologie nor Manish Arora but one feel feel nice to see Indian designer clothes in Anthropologie and Bloomingdales.

shenanigans said...

Hmmm...maybe I'm having a blonde moment here but couldn't it be for a girl friend (platonic variety) you have in the US? Or, even something you'd ordered for the real one in India?

shenanigans said...

But I do think your work mates sound a lot more fun than mine!

Anonymous said...

i love your office. swap bosses please?

CrazyDiamond said...

That's true, but she, my colleague, is very creative and she even used the word "cross-dressing". As you might have surmised, my office folks don't need much fodder anyway.

And I would not have gotten the 10 mins I needed to explain the situation..."you see, I have this friend who wanted to surprise his fiance and so he..."

It's a battlefield out there man.

Asphodel said...

I lvoe your work place! Any vacancies?

Hah and now I see the comments and there are already takers, darn it all!

Asphodel said...

love*. or maybe lvoe, who knows actually.

Anonymous said...

Happy Holi.

Anonymous said...

so these dumb models that you sweat over for a living.. are they the boring codes on excel spreadsheets types or the sexy, ramp-walking, pouty types :)

Anonymous said...

personally, i think the cross dressing bit is a tad bit funnier than saying its for your "girlfriend" there. noted, it was for your friend but how interesting does the truth make? com'on now.

Pri said...

awww. poor cd. you have my permission to start writing now.

Sumedha said...

I love this! I've never actually heard of a potentially ridiculous and far-fetched story actually catching on as office gossip. But then again, I've never worked in an office, so what would I know. :)

You have my sympathies. I hope the friend you held the dress for returns the favour in a BIG way. :)

Anonymous said...

Please do start writing... the next chapter of the book could be how you added another post-it to the box,saying "It's for the boss's wife..darn the secret is out;)"

OrangeJammies said...

Churn it out, bebe. You're so circumstantially-ready.

Anonymous said...

hehe.. gotta love a workplace where people are so creative! :D


Mystique said...

ha. oh ahahahahahahahahh
*continues for very long.*

Anki said...

the first comment
funnier than ur story

CrazyDiamond said...

@Asphodel: No No, don't love my office. It'll go to their head. They live on attention. We're trying to starve them.

@Anon: ?. Ok happy holi to you too. I'll humour this once.

@Another anon: Seriously?

@Jacqueline: hmmm...really? Want to practice what you preach?

@Pri: thanks. but writing books is so 2008.

@Sumedha: Actually I milked him good and proper. He's still buying me drinks.

CrazyDiamond said...

@These anon's!: Maybe after the recession.

@OrangeJammies: Heh, I love that! So much.

@A : hena?

@Mystique: Good only.

@Anki: sigh. Yes. I know. I did accept defeat.

RukmaniRam said...

*extremely generous dose of laughter*

This made my day!

CrazyDiamond said...

my life, your daily dose of laughter.